HOW CAN I COPE WITH DIVORCE?

When we look at today's society, we see that divorce is quite common. Although people have known each other for many years, they can decide to divorce very soon after marriage ... Of course, this process is not as easy as saying “let's get divorced” for anyone. In particular, if this decision was made unilaterally… It would be more appropriate to think of it as separating our lives because of the unresolved problems that have become permanent and unresolved from the person we have married with love or introduction instead of perceiving this situation as the worst thing that has happened to us. If everything is tried to solve the problems, however, if the problems continue with the same violence, divorce can be preferred. Divorce can often be a new beginning for people. Anybody does not want to end a marriage he is happy and happy with a divorce, especially if there are children…

Divorce is not a simple process, although a very clear decision has been made, it is necessary to think about everything good and bad that happens during marriage. Sometimes individuals say, "Should I finish or continue?" they may have contradictions. Complex emotions such as indecision, sadness, anger, love, regret, happiness re-question the constant divorce in one's head. Sometimes it is observed that even after the divorce, the parties are depressed. The support of couples from a specialist during the divorce process will help make healthier decisions. The truth is that people start getting psychological support before the divorce takes place; is to continue this support during the divorce order and after the divorce.

The decision to divorce can occur due to various reasons. Cultural differences, violence, alcohol and substance use, financial problems, family intervention, jealousy, deception are among the main reasons. If the decision to divorce was made due to a third party (deception or families) or if only one of the couples decided to divorce, the other party may experience intense self-confidence and inadequacy. Intense anger and revenge feelings in the person caused by this situation can make the divorce process difficult for both parties. Sometimes, interventions of families or relatives for the purpose of support can make the divorce more insoluble in the process of divorce.

The divorce process; It is experienced in three periods before divorce, divorce period and after divorce. In the period before divorce; It is a period when spouses begin to disagree and think that some things are not the same anymore. As discussions between couples increase, they begin to diverge. One or both spouses are now beginning to consider the decision to terminate. With this process, children and future concerns begin to be experienced intensely. In order for this process to be healthy, couples should first make this decision between two people and not include third parties in this process. The second stage is the divorce process… As the divorce decision made by one of the spouses or the other becomes clear, negotiations begin with lawyers. Since the process related to the lawyer and court during the divorce causes people to be tense, it will always be more appropriate for couples to make a consensual divorce decision so that the children cannot be worn. As it is difficult to follow a common path and reach an agreement in the process of divorce from conflict marriages, it will be better for lawyers to establish dialogue only. In this process, one of the spouses becomes more determined and strong, while the other spouse may feel weak, helpless, lonely, sad, devastated, depressed, angry. It is a period of regret intense on both sides. The divorce process sometimes turns into a vengeance war of the spouse who does not want to leave, and the other spouse can be more challenging, and even using it as a tool for children can turn the divorce process into an insurmountable power war. The period following the divorce is the time to start a new beginning. For some spouses, this period is easier and faster, while for others it can be more difficult and traumatic. There are feelings such as not accepting this process, feelings of regret, intense anxieties about the future, not knowing what to do, not taking any steps. In this period, getting expert support will help strengthen the person.

Even if the decision to divorce was taken by one of the parties, the other spouse's resilience in continuing this marriage will cause even more couples to be exhausted instead of solving the problems. If problems arise, or if various solutions are tried and the problems still persist, it would be appropriate for people to take a couple of therapies. Another important point after the divorce is children. Parents' roles continue after the couples leave. For this reason, it should not reflect the emotions experienced on both sides to children. Parents should reduce their anxiety by making the child feel that everything is fine. “We ar If we do not live in the same house, we will be together again as your mother and father ”. However, if this situation cannot be achieved, it will be healthy to get support from a specialist in order to prevent behavioral disorders in the child.

UZMAR. PSİKOLOG EZGİ ÖZKAN