Narcissistic people love themselves physically and spiritually. They see themselves superior to other people, they are constantly in demand of appreciation, interest and approval. They think that they will receive special attention wherever they go, they believe that they deserve superior places. The narcissist individual nourishes his self-esteem in this way. According to him, he is the most beautiful, handsome, brightest and smartest and he will be. Undoubtedly, disappointments and injuries are common in such self-esteem. When their expectations are not met, their self-esteem decreases, so people may feel depressed. Narcissistic people cannot bear criticism; their behavior will also be directed towards them, as they are constantly waiting for praise.
These people can use others and disregard their rights to make themselves superior. They may be open to interest relationships, have difficulty understanding others' feelings and thoughts and needs. For this reason, it is possible to define the relationships they will establish as selfish and egocentric.
Why does the narcissist personality develop?
0-6 years is a very important period in the development of personality disorder. During this period, the child establishes a relationship with the family. Especially his relationship with the mother will be effective in his personality development and later life. The child must meet the expectations of the family and the family keeps the child at a certain level to meet these expectations. However, the family does not do this consciously. He must be the smartest, most successful and the best for the family. When this is the case, the child cannot manifest his own potential and become unable to make his own decisions.
The main reason of the narcissistic personality disorder is that the parents do not show enough sibling in early childhood; The child's inability to sufficiently encounter the disappointments of the real world lies in the appropriate parenting environment. The child, who constantly feeds with the parents' excessively glorifying and emphasizing the characteristics of the child, creates a sense of unnecessarily self-growing self. This has an important role in the formation of "Narcissism". In addition, emotional neglect is evident in narcissists' stories and childhood.
Looking deeply into narcissistic people, it appears that intense worthlessness prevails. In order to get rid of this feeling, they are involved in activities that constantly increase their value. These can be like trying to be successful and pursuing success. However, they are not aware of all these processes, they do it unconsciously.
People with a narcissistic personality disorder may think:
• I am a very special person
• As I am a superior, I deserve to be treated and given some privileges.
• The rules applied to others do not bind me
• Recognition, praise and admiration are essential
• Those who do not respect my position must be punished
• Other people did not meet my requirements
• I cannot see the respect I deserve or not to donate what I deserve cannot be forgiven.
• Others do not deserve their admiration and presence.
• People have no right to criticize me
• I am very talented, others need to find new ways for them to come to my situation.
• Only those who are as smart and bright as I can understand me
• I have every reason to want big things
It is not surprising that the mood of self-indulgence and trust expressed by narcissists gained admiration of others and listened to their word. They weigh the people around them and immediately distinguish those that seem to respect them. Narcissists often find and remove a 'thoughtful' dependent person who will bow in respect without waiting for anything in return.
In some, the Narcissistic structure may not be noticed immediately. They may try to look humble and polite, they may not like praise. When looked closely, it can be said that there is an underlying grandiose. For example, a person who failed at work can comment as follows: It doesn't matter whether I work in my location or not, but the company lost someone like me.
Narcissistic people have problems in human relations. Often they have problems with getting close to the lover and then leaving. They often quarrel and make peace over and over again. Often they can change lovers, they can constantly have a discussion with the same person. Those who know these people from a distance can describe themselves as charismatic and attractive. Narcissists often become politicians, managers, scientists, and leaders; however, they may occasionally exhibit aggressive and selfish attitudes at work. There is a problem in almost all of these people's business life, their relationships with their children. Narcissists acquire lovers, especially in the Borderline personality structure. These people may be inaccessible, and if they do, they devalue them. Therefore, they often anger the partner. When their relationship does not go well, he searches for alternative partners, in order to get rid of feelings of worthlessness.
They often masturbate. They can turn to dangerous sports, consume alcohol or cannabis, and have pornography and perverted relationships. These form a person's defense mechanism, and as narcissistic emotional breaks increase, such efforts will increase. Somatic diseases may appear in the body in cases of such breaks, such as failure, inability to obtain the woman he likes, criticism, abandonment. For example, the person's waist, head, back hurts, they have difficulty breathing, overeating or vice versa, decreased appetite. The stomach and intestine may experience indigestion and consult a doctor for these complaints. The person may experience fears of ejaculation, erection, excessive attention to other women, frequent masturbation, homosexuality.
Is there any treatment?
Narcissistic people are those who find it difficult to therapy. According to them, coming to therapy is a sign of weakness. Therefore, they cannot think that the main reason is mental problems and do not come to therapy. The causes of arrival are generally depression, anxiety, panic attacks, unhappiness, feeling of emptiness and sexual problems. They come because they have problems in human relations; they may have family conflicts, abandon the party or have failed.
When applying for therapy, the root cause should be considered.
Narcissistic personality disorder can be treated with dynamic psychotherapy. There may be difficult cases for the therapist. The therapist may be idealized from time to time, or may be anger from time to time. The duration of therapy varies, but some may take longer. The result will be fruitful with an expert and experienced therapist.
Expert Clinical Psychologist Nurdan GÜNDOĞDU
These people can use others and disregard their rights to make themselves superior. They may be open to interest relationships, have difficulty understanding others' feelings and thoughts and needs. For this reason, it is possible to define the relationships they will establish as selfish and egocentric.
Why does the narcissist personality develop?
0-6 years is a very important period in the development of personality disorder. During this period, the child establishes a relationship with the family. Especially his relationship with the mother will be effective in his personality development and later life. The child must meet the expectations of the family and the family keeps the child at a certain level to meet these expectations. However, the family does not do this consciously. He must be the smartest, most successful and the best for the family. When this is the case, the child cannot manifest his own potential and become unable to make his own decisions.
The main reason of the narcissistic personality disorder is that the parents do not show enough sibling in early childhood; The child's inability to sufficiently encounter the disappointments of the real world lies in the appropriate parenting environment. The child, who constantly feeds with the parents' excessively glorifying and emphasizing the characteristics of the child, creates a sense of unnecessarily self-growing self. This has an important role in the formation of "Narcissism". In addition, emotional neglect is evident in narcissists' stories and childhood.
Looking deeply into narcissistic people, it appears that intense worthlessness prevails. In order to get rid of this feeling, they are involved in activities that constantly increase their value. These can be like trying to be successful and pursuing success. However, they are not aware of all these processes, they do it unconsciously.
People with a narcissistic personality disorder may think:
• I am a very special person
• As I am a superior, I deserve to be treated and given some privileges.
• The rules applied to others do not bind me
• Recognition, praise and admiration are essential
• Those who do not respect my position must be punished
• Other people did not meet my requirements
• I cannot see the respect I deserve or not to donate what I deserve cannot be forgiven.
• Others do not deserve their admiration and presence.
• People have no right to criticize me
• I am very talented, others need to find new ways for them to come to my situation.
• Only those who are as smart and bright as I can understand me
• I have every reason to want big things
It is not surprising that the mood of self-indulgence and trust expressed by narcissists gained admiration of others and listened to their word. They weigh the people around them and immediately distinguish those that seem to respect them. Narcissists often find and remove a 'thoughtful' dependent person who will bow in respect without waiting for anything in return.
In some, the Narcissistic structure may not be noticed immediately. They may try to look humble and polite, they may not like praise. When looked closely, it can be said that there is an underlying grandiose. For example, a person who failed at work can comment as follows: It doesn't matter whether I work in my location or not, but the company lost someone like me.
Narcissistic people have problems in human relations. Often they have problems with getting close to the lover and then leaving. They often quarrel and make peace over and over again. Often they can change lovers, they can constantly have a discussion with the same person. Those who know these people from a distance can describe themselves as charismatic and attractive. Narcissists often become politicians, managers, scientists, and leaders; however, they may occasionally exhibit aggressive and selfish attitudes at work. There is a problem in almost all of these people's business life, their relationships with their children. Narcissists acquire lovers, especially in the Borderline personality structure. These people may be inaccessible, and if they do, they devalue them. Therefore, they often anger the partner. When their relationship does not go well, he searches for alternative partners, in order to get rid of feelings of worthlessness.
They often masturbate. They can turn to dangerous sports, consume alcohol or cannabis, and have pornography and perverted relationships. These form a person's defense mechanism, and as narcissistic emotional breaks increase, such efforts will increase. Somatic diseases may appear in the body in cases of such breaks, such as failure, inability to obtain the woman he likes, criticism, abandonment. For example, the person's waist, head, back hurts, they have difficulty breathing, overeating or vice versa, decreased appetite. The stomach and intestine may experience indigestion and consult a doctor for these complaints. The person may experience fears of ejaculation, erection, excessive attention to other women, frequent masturbation, homosexuality.
Is there any treatment?
Narcissistic people are those who find it difficult to therapy. According to them, coming to therapy is a sign of weakness. Therefore, they cannot think that the main reason is mental problems and do not come to therapy. The causes of arrival are generally depression, anxiety, panic attacks, unhappiness, feeling of emptiness and sexual problems. They come because they have problems in human relations; they may have family conflicts, abandon the party or have failed.
When applying for therapy, the root cause should be considered.
Narcissistic personality disorder can be treated with dynamic psychotherapy. There may be difficult cases for the therapist. The therapist may be idealized from time to time, or may be anger from time to time. The duration of therapy varies, but some may take longer. The result will be fruitful with an expert and experienced therapist.
Expert Clinical Psychologist Nurdan GÜNDOĞDU